back at it

I'm sitting at my local Starbucks sipping away on some piping hot coffee. It's April and there are snow flurries. Go figure. I'm okay with it though. Snow doesn't bother me much; I'd just like the snowfall to cease by the end of the month. The white stuff and the month of May don't mix, in my opinion.
mmmmmmmm.... coffee..... black.... bold.... the way it should be. Komodo dragon has a bold punch this morning. Good. Sometimes I need a knock to the senses to get my day started. Maybe the caffeine will knock out this headache. Allergies? Sinus pressure? A cold? I don't know... I just want it to go away.
This oatmeal is pretty tasty right now.... I could go for a real breakfast though- some corned beef hash and eggs with a side of sourdough toast. Yeah. Yeah. That would be great. Oatmeal will have to do for now.
Life hasn't looked the way I thought it would over these past years and months. I've had more trial and heartache than expected, but more personal growth too. Everything's good though. Life is hard. It is. And it's harder when you're trying to live against the grain. I've tried rolling with the punches- riding the waves, if you will... But I have come to believe that it's better to stand firmly upon your beliefs and make decisions based on values in order to avoid a conflicted heart, than to go with the flow and permit injustice. This is my understanding of accepting hardship as a pathway to peace. Going along, unquestioning, with authority and public opinion allows for abuse- of others, and even yourself. Sure, that may be a generalization, but I'm just saying that we need to stop and analyze things. We need to take the time to consider the effects of our actions. When did we stop realizing that history does repeat itself and doing that which we've already done, expecting different results, is indeed insanity?
I choose sanity.
I choose life.
I choose liberty.
I choose justice.
I choose to take this sinful world, just as it is.
I choose to believe that Jesus can and will make it right as I submit myself to His will.
There is no need to "settle" in a church. Rise up! Take action! BE the church! Examine closely the word of the Lord and consider prayerfully His will... Then, without compromise, DO IT!
There will be opposition to this way of life. Revolution always involves conflict. Just do not be surprised when the adversary has your face. The flesh is the most fierce foe. Self is a restless evil that is literally hell-bent on the pursuit of desirous satisfaction. External conflict is impossible to ignore, but when the mirror reveals your foe there is such temptation to yield. Awaken, you sleeping soul! Arise and put to death the sinful nature. Seize hold of the freedom that is at hand!

Hmmm. Where'd that come from?
My coffee is cold and I've finished my oatmeal. I guess it's time to wrap this up.
Until next time....

time gone by

I was doing some cleaning today and came across a few things I had written some time ago. Throughout my training in the visual arts I was taught to keep a sketchbook- a visual journal- all process and no mistakes.
This blog is also a sketchbook of sorts; it is a revelation of process- no mistakes.

To be quite honest, all of that... just a glorified apology for the poor quality of the writing to follow. Oh well.
____________________________________________

Darkness fills the world
It's knocking on my door
Nowhere to run
So I kneel down on the floor

and I turn to you

Do you hear me speaking?
Am i loud enough?
Guard me while I'm sleeping
The nights can be so rough

With the faith that I am keeping
Oh, Lord

I turn to you

There are so many faces
Walking down the street
I wish that I could find you
In everyone I meet
Sometimes the days get so bleak
But When my heart has gotten weak

I turn to you

I know I'll turn to you
You always hear me speaking
I'll be loud enough
You guard me while I'm sleeping
Nights won't be so rough
With this faith that I am keeping

I turn to you

looking for the moon

Daddy, daddy where's the moon
I wish she'd come on out real soon
I wanna see her shining face
Lighting up all the deep dark space

Son she's there, but now it can't be seen
The day is young so don't worry 'bout those things
Don't worry son, soon the night will fall
And in the revealing deadness of it all
Trust me son in just the perfect time
There she'll be- shining bright
She won't be hard to find

Sure is dark out here tonight
These tall trees, making shadows out of light
Behind this treeline I know you're shining somewhere
When's this cold dark path gonna lead me there
Seems everywhere I look I can always find a star
But all they do is make me miss where you are
So now I'm hoping that this path will lead
To the place where I can look past these trees
And in that clearing where all distractions will cease
I'll be free to sit and stare at the moonlight meant for me

God my Father where is she
I need her light to fill the space that is me
Lord you're all the light I'll ever need
But where's the moonlight only she can be
I long to see her, God I'm looking at thee
But can I know her before the twilight's on me
'Cause filling my night sky, Lord is up to you
Walking by your daylight, still all the while
I'll be looking for the moon

-------------------------------------
"Looking For the Moon" from the album Twentyone Even
music and lyrics by Jolly Napier
c. 2000


-------------------------------------
I'm feeling this one right now. Really feeling it.
Yeah, that's all I have to say on that.

single

A deep and heavy darkness has settled about at this late hour in the early morning

Spinsters line the roads as snow falls through a headlight-illuminated haze

Laid bare and frozen, they stand waiting for their spring

April boasted promises of new birth, but December's grip has continued to hold firm

This winter has too much longevity

The seedtime is just the beginning- it means everything to those who lie in wait

Desiring the warm embrace of a vernal breeze

Just a touch would be enough to birth hope within chilled, lonely limbs

In silence the ache cries out- the longing to bear fruit, but barren of opportunity

How everything would change with the genesis of that new day

Loneliness intermingles with yearning

Nothing good comes of this ignoble dance- only heartache birthed of unrequited love

1 Peter 4:7-11

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so
that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a
multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one
should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully
administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do
it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with
the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through
Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

----------------------------------

Just a great passage from the greatest Book. Love each other deeply.

indiana

I'm glad I never lived next to the water
So I could never get used to the beach,
And I'm glad I never grew up on a mountain
To figure out how high the world could reach.

I love the miles between me and the city,
Where I quietly imagine every street.
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment.
I'm glad she never fell in love with me.

For some the world's a treasure to discover.
And your scenery should never stay the same.
And they're trading in their dreams for explanations.
All in an attempt to entertain.

I love the miles between me and the city,
Where I quietly imagine ever street.
And I'm glad I'm only picturing the moment.
I'm glad she never fell in love with me

The trick of love is to never let it find you.
It's easy to get over missing out.
I know the how's and whens, but now and then,
She's all I think about.

I wonder how it feels to be famous,
but wonder is as far as I will go.
Because I'd probably lose myself in all the pictures,
And end up being someone I don't know.

So it's probably best I stay in Indiana,
Just dreaming of the world as it should be.
Where every day is a battle to convince myself
I'm glad she never fell in love with me.

---------------------------------------------
music and lyrics by: Jon McLaughlin - "Indiana" c. 2007


This is one of the most wonderful and awful songs I have ever heard. It is heartbreakingly beautiful and ever so real.
I have to admit that my heart connects with lyrics such as:
"The trick of love is to never let it find you.
It's easy to get over missing out."
and
"So it's probably best I stay in Indiana,
Just dreaming of the world as it should be.
Where every day is a battle to convince myself
I'm glad she never fell in love with me."

The heart surely is slow to learn and always seems to want what it cannot have, but wishing love away is only a fool's masquerade that kills you a little more everyday.
Love is such a beautiful and blessed gift- an inexplicable and sometimes tangible gift of the divine. I find myself wishing, even hoping to find love someday... waiting for her to walk through the doors. But love is ever-present, for it is the character and being of the Lord.

As stated in one of my new favorite movies, Dan in Real Life, "Love is not an emotion, it's an ability." How true! Love is the impression of God upon His creation. This impression, this indelible mark is how we express the image of the invisible to the world around us... we love.

Burt

As I remember my uncle, I find myself recalling a man who lived unabashedly. He was a "slide head-first" kind of guy. How do I remember this man?

Whenever the Sweger boys all gather back in Beloit, one thing MUST happen. Poker. Darrell loved his poker and loved ridiculous poker games- there was always a new one with an assortment of wild cards and a seemingly endless description of the rules. In my mind, "screw your neighbor" will always be Burt's game. When it was Darrell's deal, you knew that he'd be splitting the pot with some terribly low hand that he had concocted.

I remember when the Sweger family all lived in Beloit. We would file into Central Christian Church for Sunday morning worship... Then, proceed to file into either Ponderosa or Country Kitchen. To be honest, it didn't really matter the buffet we were at as long as it was All-You-Can-Eat. (That would be why we love Friday Fish Fry at Benedetti's as well). What does this have to do with Darrell? I remember gauging my growth into manhood by counting emptied buffet plates against the stacks of my uncle's.

Uncle Burt was a baseball fan. He LOVED the game. Through all of the tough times that baseball has endured, Darrell endured them as well. It makes perfect sense that Darrell would be able to exemplify longsuffering with the sport of baseball. After all, his favorite teams was the Cubs. (My spirit just groaned from within having to type that team's name out even. Ugh.) I remember when D.W.S. C.P.A. sponsored it softball team and Darrell busted out the new team jerseys... Cub's jerseys. (Ugh. I continue to shudder at the thought.) I still have one of those jerseys tucked away in my dresser drawer. (It's a bottom drawer... way in the back... )

Throughout high school I heard stories of the young men who were rebel-rousers in the earliest years of Turner High's existence.
Seldom was I surprised to hear Darrell's name associated with pranks, hijinx, and generally good-natured trouble making. That's why it seems almost poetic that this fun-loving trickster would pass from earth to heaven on April Fool's Day.

He loved his boys like you wouldn't believe. He lived life all-out. Nobody who knew him could avoid describing him as a risk-taker.

I could share more and more memories, but I haven't the time nor the space to record them all. What matters most in the midst of all my foggy memories is that Darrell Sweger was a beloved man. Darrell was loved by God and by so many others. My understanding is that, even in the late hours of his life, he affirmed a belief that Jesus is indeed the Christ, the Son of the Living God- He is Burt's Lord and Saviour. Amen! And with that in mind,, I can find joy in the midst of grief knowing that Darrell is safe and warm in the arms of the father. No matter what Huntington's stole from him, Christ has repaid it all a multitude of times over. His body no longer trembles involuntarily, his mind is sound, and his spirit is made whole. He is redeemed and restored. And now he is experiencing Peace face-to-face.

_______________________________________

Darrell Warren Sweger, 51, of Beloit, WI, died Tuesday, April 1, 2008 in Premier Rehabilitation and Skilled Nursing.

He was born August 24, 1956 in Beloit, WI, the son of Clarence and Beverly Jacobson Sweger. Darrell was a 1974 graduate of F.J. Turner High School and a 1978 graduate of UW Whitewater. He also received his C.P.A. in 1978.

Darrell was a member of Central Christian Church, Beloit, WI. Darrell was employed with Houghton Taplic CPA Firm in Madison, WI and later with Behr Associates in Milwaukee, WI. He began Sweger CPA’s in Beloit, WI in 1985. Darrell founded DA Development in 1986 with Andy and Lori Rhead. He built the Prairie Avenue Professional Building in 1986. In 1988-89, DA Development purchased and renovated the Chester Building in downtown Beloit and in1989 were awarded Business of the Year for that restoration. In 1990 DA Development built the Milton strip mall in Milton, WI. Darrell was very, very proud of the achievements and contributions he made to downtown Beloit. Darrell was listed in the Who’s Who of college students and also in Who’s Who of CPA’s. He sponsored the Downtown Ragatta and several softball teams over the years. Darrell received several Chamber of Commerce awards.

Darrell was a generous, much loved and loving son, brother, friend and wonderful father. He adored his sons and they were his pride and joy. Darrell coached “his boys” all through Powers Gold Cub ball and Little League. He was the “coach in the stands” for all Derek, Adam and Brett’s high school, Jr. Legion and Legion baseball games and Adam’s Club Baseball at UW-Whitewater.

There are not words to express how much Darrell will be missed by Derek and Melissa, Adam, Brett and Kathy. We Love You. Survivors include his three sons, Derek (Melissa) Sweger of Fort Atkinson, WI, Adam Sweger of Tempe, AZ and Brett Sweger of Beloit, WI; mother of his three beloved sons and friend, Kathleen Sweger; father, Clarence (Eileen) Sweger; brothers, Russell (Lavonne) Sweger of Beloit, WI, Bruce (Catherine) Sweger of Fort Wayne, IN and Wade (Debra) Sweger of Beloit, WI; mother-in-law, Joan Mascharka; host of much loved nieces, nephews, great nieces and great nephews; second family, Karen Navarro, Lori Wing, Lisa and Paul Guinea, Nadine Mascharka, and best friend, Mark (Angela) Mascharka. He was predeceased by his mother, Beverly, infant sister, Elizabeth Sweger and father-in-law, David Mascharka.

rise up

Come on darling, wake up

Wipe the sleep from your pretty eyes
It’s time for us to get going
Now that the snows have melted
December’s drifted far into the night

Rainy days have passed away
And made way for the greener
Buds and blooms keep bursting
While days grow long in season

You are so beautiful
I had to speak it out there
That smile shines so bright
In the bright, bright morning
As birds’ songs fill the air

Come on honey, wake up now
Don’t have much time to waste
May’s flowers will soon be coming
We’ve still got much to do

Rise up my love, my fair one
Rise up and come away
Come away

memo

I just don't remember details like I used to. I hate it.
My memory is not as sharp as years gone by. Come to think of it, it's not only that I miss details, I sometimes miss really significant things too.
I HATE it!
Usually, my memory lapses come in the form of an incorrect procedure at the coffee shop or a missed appointment during the week. These lapses are clearly not preferable, but they are forgivable.
The trouble comes when my memory decides to blot out specifics during meetings or promises that I have made. I HATE IT!
My life is devoted to following Christ and sharing His life-message with everyone that I encounter. To do this effectively I believe I must uphold high standards of honesty, reliability, and integrity. When I fail in these areas I get disappointed in myself. But when I fail in these areas and it causes pain for others... Well, I get downright angry at myself.
People deserve better than my feeble excuses. God deserves better than my seemingly endless string of failures.
I HATE THIS!