cry baby
How do I say this without sounding like a real pansy-boy? I'll just say it- I'm crying more lately. I'm not only crying, but really experiencing the fuller richness of emotion. Perhaps this doesn't seem like a major revelation. Sure, the heavens aren't parting and organs and harps and angels aren't bursting forth in glorious song, but this is something important for me- as a man and as a man of God. Generally I have always been more laid back in demeanor. I'm a "take it as it comes" kind of guy. I look back over the years and remember myself as being truly sensitive, empathetic, and kind. I have in the past cared for people so deeply that I have earnestly felt the pain of their hurts and shared with them the labor of their struggles. This is who I had been, but not who I have been. Within recent memory I have not been a man who would care so deeply. I'm uncertain as to what changed me or when the change took place. Likely, the transition occurred over an expansive period and resulted in a series of minor changes that were so inconsequential that I never perceived them. I just remember laying in my bed in college one night, after hearing some heart-breaking news, thinking, "I really should cry now. Why can't I?"
Have you ever experienced this? Have you ever found yourself with a heart that has somehow been hardened? I don't doubt that my situation was caused by a conglomerate of compounding issues... heartaches, hangups, abuses of my emotional being, sin... What truly matters is that my perspective shifted from the love of others toward the cold inner sanctum of myself. I became inwardly focused. Over time I became consumed in increasing measure with questions. How could I bear any more heartache? How could I prevent anymore heartache? How could I escape from the pain of life? How could I give others the impression that nothing they could do to me could ever faze me? How could I make myself a more steadfast and reliable leader? How could I regain the focus needed to accomplish my own goals? How could I attain the varied objects of my desires? The questions and excuses could continue to roll out in numbers rivaling the blades of grass in the front yard. What it all boils down to is the fact that I zeroed in on "me." Life became about Gregg. My ego was something to be managed, but not perceived. Oh no! No one in the church could ever come to realize that I deal with... pride.
Life became a great chess match. Satan loves this. He doesn't have to win the "major" battles at the outset, not when he call whittle away at the defenses by corrupting the heart within. Small compromises now will lead to massive failures later. Somehow, I think there's someone reading this that is dealing with this same matter right now. Take heart.
We point fingers at Pharaoh so quickly and set our sights on his sins. We make bold accusations and claim that we could never let our hearts be hardened to God's will... blah, blah, blah. Empty words. Every time we say "no" to the still small voice, we turn away from God. Every time we willfully sin, we turn away from God. Every time we place our desires and comforts above the needs and pains of others, we turn away from God. This is the steady and nearly imperceptible hardening of the heart that presses on in the lives of believers each day. Each and every day! NOW! At this time someone whom you know and care for is deafening his or her ears to the voice of God. Right now. Why are we not praying for each other? We must stand together.
God spoke tome through Ezekiel. Good stuff- really, you should read it sometime. In Ezekiel 36:25-28 God says, "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God." Take a deep breath. Read that again, if you may. Let that soak in deep within your mind and heart. God will pluck from us the heart of stone that we have created in our own self. He will remove the impurities. He will fill the void with a new heart and a new spirit. He will again be our God. This is profound stuff. It is because of this that I can cry again. I care again. Because life is about God. Everything is about God. This is how the Spirit moves us to follow his decrees and keep his laws.
When we love God, we love others more. Funny how that works isn't it? Please, don't wait another day to conduct a fearless moral search of your life. If you must, pray that God removes that heart of stone. And go ahead and cry a little if you need to, it's okay.
Have you ever experienced this? Have you ever found yourself with a heart that has somehow been hardened? I don't doubt that my situation was caused by a conglomerate of compounding issues... heartaches, hangups, abuses of my emotional being, sin... What truly matters is that my perspective shifted from the love of others toward the cold inner sanctum of myself. I became inwardly focused. Over time I became consumed in increasing measure with questions. How could I bear any more heartache? How could I prevent anymore heartache? How could I escape from the pain of life? How could I give others the impression that nothing they could do to me could ever faze me? How could I make myself a more steadfast and reliable leader? How could I regain the focus needed to accomplish my own goals? How could I attain the varied objects of my desires? The questions and excuses could continue to roll out in numbers rivaling the blades of grass in the front yard. What it all boils down to is the fact that I zeroed in on "me." Life became about Gregg. My ego was something to be managed, but not perceived. Oh no! No one in the church could ever come to realize that I deal with... pride.
Life became a great chess match. Satan loves this. He doesn't have to win the "major" battles at the outset, not when he call whittle away at the defenses by corrupting the heart within. Small compromises now will lead to massive failures later. Somehow, I think there's someone reading this that is dealing with this same matter right now. Take heart.
We point fingers at Pharaoh so quickly and set our sights on his sins. We make bold accusations and claim that we could never let our hearts be hardened to God's will... blah, blah, blah. Empty words. Every time we say "no" to the still small voice, we turn away from God. Every time we willfully sin, we turn away from God. Every time we place our desires and comforts above the needs and pains of others, we turn away from God. This is the steady and nearly imperceptible hardening of the heart that presses on in the lives of believers each day. Each and every day! NOW! At this time someone whom you know and care for is deafening his or her ears to the voice of God. Right now. Why are we not praying for each other? We must stand together.
God spoke tome through Ezekiel. Good stuff- really, you should read it sometime. In Ezekiel 36:25-28 God says, "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people, and I will be your God." Take a deep breath. Read that again, if you may. Let that soak in deep within your mind and heart. God will pluck from us the heart of stone that we have created in our own self. He will remove the impurities. He will fill the void with a new heart and a new spirit. He will again be our God. This is profound stuff. It is because of this that I can cry again. I care again. Because life is about God. Everything is about God. This is how the Spirit moves us to follow his decrees and keep his laws.
When we love God, we love others more. Funny how that works isn't it? Please, don't wait another day to conduct a fearless moral search of your life. If you must, pray that God removes that heart of stone. And go ahead and cry a little if you need to, it's okay.
posted by Gregg @ 3:28 PM
2 Comments:
At 7/3/06 8:12 AM,
Beth said…
Congratulations! You're a real a man now, because you better believe that Real Men Cry. My father, brother, and husband all cry. In fact, my personal rating system for a movie is how hard my husband's ribs are shaking during the moving parts. If the tears are streaming down his face, it's off the charts! I personally would never recommend that any woman marry a man who has not yet grown up enough to cry.
At 7/3/06 8:40 AM,
Beth said…
I have to amend the above, it is probably a tad harsh on men who don't cry yet. Ladies, if you find a good man, go ahead and marry him, he'll probably learn how to cry eventually, like when your babies are born. Just make sure he knows how to worship God. The rest will follow. I say "Ladies" because I assume there are many of you out there reading this fantastically poetic blog on a regular basis.
Post a Comment
<< Home