perceptions

As I have engaged in this internship in the St. Louis area I have learned a great deal about myself. I see the ways he works in the lives of people all around me. I see the ways he delivers people from the darkness of their past. I see the deliverance from addiction. I see the dynamics of church life and leadership... and the many struggles that come along with the territory. All this I see, but the brightest spotlight has been shown upon my own life and my own heart.

I came to St. Charles anticipating personal development and training for church planting. I somehow permitted myself to harbor a feeling in my heart that I would receive some training that would boost my credibility in some way and that I would simply return to Wisconsin and plant a church. Simple. Okay, let's all get on board and get it done. But... it seems that this plan (of mine) may not be exactly why God brought me to this land west of the M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I. (Just in case you have difficulty with that one in the spelling bee... )

As it seems to be turning out, there just aren't churches in my home district that are moving in the direction of mothering a church at this point. I'm sure that there are many reasons why this is the situation and I'm not exactly sure what they are. I don't desire to make any judgments about this. I will simply say that I am disappointed in this perceived resistance toward church multiplication. There are churches throughout our nation, and yes, in my home district, that are so very pregnant that it is almost a painful sight to behold. I pray that God will move in the hearts of church leaders and permit them to seize this vision of church multiplication.

(To any pastors reading this, please be assured that I mean no disrespect, but do encourage you to pray that our Lord show you how He desires to use you... and your church... in advancing the movement of the Kingdom through church planting and emerging leadership development. If you think that you are doing all that a church can do in your community you may have lost sight of the heart and vision of Christ... you may have also forgotten what a mighty God we serve. Please, go before God in honesty and openness seeking his will. There is no room for excuses before the throne of the Almighty. Just pray and permit God to show you what he will.)

Here's the thing about all of this. To some measure I am thankful that God has prevented me from already being placed within the setting of a church plant. He does know what I need far better than I do after all. This really should come as no surprise. Through this internship I have already discovered personal traits that would make planting very difficult for me. I have the heart and the desire and the vision, but may not have all of the skills... or the personality that would be necessities in such a ministry environment. I sometimes have a difficult time initiating conversation with people I run into around town. I can do this, but it isn't natural for me. As I have hit the streets... and the coffee houses... and the campus... and the gym... and etc... I've found myself in conversations fairly regularly, but have found that those conversations bear little fruit. I've also realized that I was constantly wishing that I had a "wing man" with me. I have come to understand that I am much more able to initiate cold-start conversations if I am accompanied by someone I can "play off of" or work with. These traits have been recognized and affirmed as well by my current leadership through this internship. It is of God that I have been experiencing and realizing these things. In my opinion, this is a pretty significant aspect of personality, life, and ministry to discover before dropping into a community to start a church. Does this mean that I will never be involved in a church plant? My thought is that it simply identifies a weakness in my skill set or gifting in regard to effective planting. So, I can work in a team planting setting. Great! I like that idea better than a solo parachute drop anyway! Maybe I won't be a lead planter. So what? I don't care if I'm the lead or associate or assistant or anything- as long as I am being faithful to the call of God in my life and working to share His Gospel with the people He loves and longs to have relationship with.

As I have previously written, I have seen greater definition of my skills and affirmation of my spiritual gifts. I am developing new talents and realizing my areas of weakness. For all of these lessons learned (and the lessons I am in the process of learning) I am deeply grateful. I thank God for providing me this opportunity to grow, learn, and mature in ways that I may not have had I remained in Wisconsin. I am thoroughly and abundantly appreciative toward my leadership from my home district. If not for Dave, Gary, Fred, the Multiplication team, and DEXCOM taking the step of faith in approving this internship I know I would not be experiencing all that I am. As such, I would not be progressing as I am. There is no doubt some skepticism about sending me to St. Louis for training as an emerging leader. Please allow me to assure you that the Spirit of God is doing a great work in my life. I am becoming a fully different man than I once was. I had previously spent the majority of my time doing the work of church and reading that which would provide the knowledge necessary for effective vocational ministry. With these aspects of my life in tact, God has used my history as a springboard to ripen the heart within me. At this time I am receiving the sort of experience in ministry that no school could have taught me. And I am being molded by God in ways that I have not experienced in years. Thank you for trusting God to work in the life of an emerging leader... even if that path may not wind its ways through a Bible college or a seminary. The Spirit moves in mysterious ways. Who are we to regulate the movement of God?
Thank you also to Rodger and the district I am currently working with for developing this internship and being loving enough to sometimes speak the difficult truth into my life. I praise God for that as I receive affirmation of what I have been feeling and praying about.

With this all said, I am now more aware of who I am in Christ and who Christ is in me than I was prior to my experiences here. God has revealed to me truths about my character, personality, giftedness, and ministry that have been often bittersweet. My heart for the multiplication of church bodies has not diminished. On the contrary, the revelation of some of God's particulars in my life has only intensified my belief that we must do all that is possible (and maybe some that is impossible) to rekindle the flame of this radical movement called Christianity.