Step One
Step 1:
I admitted that I am powerless over my addiction and compulsive behaviors, that my life had become unmanageable.
Principle 1:
Realize that I am not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
Supporting verses:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit." (Matthew 5:3)
"I know that nothing god lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)
-----------------------------------------------
Step one. The very beginning. You know, the first time I looked at the Twelve Steps of AA I thought it was a bunch of hogwash. I thought there would be absolutely no relevance to a Christian man such as myself. I realize now, as I write those words, just how inundated with pride that comment is.
Why would I need recovery?
Why recovery? No, I don't have a chemical addiction, but I do have some massive hurts and hang-ups in my life.
We all do. This blog is a part of my recovery process. The first step in working through the process of tackling recovery principles is to admit that I have problems that I can't resolve on my own. I have behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes that prevent me from healing and truly growing in Christ.
I can hardly believe that I'm writing this for all the world to see, but for the sake of honesty and recovery I must admit that I have struggled for quite a long time with pornography. This is the sort of thing that would be easy for me to gloss over or not share. I could rationalize it by saying that most guys struggle with this... But doing these things would only be denial of the actual problem. In the presence of God, I cannot deny my faults. I cannot cover my sins... he sees and knows. I will also say that I have experienced great freedom from this addictive behavior as a result of Christ's power shown in my life. I will not attribute success to the Twelve Steps, but to the redemptive work of Jesus Christ and the power of His Holy Spirit. I will, however, admit that the Twelve Steps have been a great tool in continuing to combat addictive tendencies and to tackle the hurts and hang-ups that continue to be brought to the surface as I seek after the Father.
Beyond addictive sin, I have hurts in my life that have compounded over time and become greater pains than when I first experienced them. I will not go into depth concerning these matters here for the sake of being able to work through the matters with those also involved.
Unresolved conflict and pain can negate our personal spiritual growth. In the light of Christ all things are revealed as they truly are. (1 Jn. 1:5-7)
Denying a wound never aids its healing. Whether are wounds are cause by someone else or self-inflicted, God desires to heal us and make all things new. I... We need to stop denying them.
I may have more to say about this soon, but I think they're ready to kick me out of this coffee shop. Step one hurts. It is painful to look into the mirror and admit your problems. It's difficult to say, "I have an addiction." It's uncomfortable to say that I need help healing from the hurts of past relationships, church experiences, work situations, and foolish mistakes. But we do not give God the room to heal us when we expend all of our energy maintaining the stained glass masquerade of contemporary Christianity.
The fact of the matter is that we do nobody any favors by going to church and putting on our "game face." We speak our Christianese and perform our rituals and we say that everything is fine, but go home to wallow in pain, guilt, fear, anxiety, depression and the like.
Stop denying your pain and your problems. You hurt not only yourself, but the whole of the body of Christ! (Eph. 4:25)
It's time to admit that YOU ARE NOT GOD! Admit, as Paul did, that you know what is the right thing, but still do what is wrong. (Rom. 7:15) Admit that you need help for healing and that you are no longer able to manage your sins and pains. It's okay. You are not alone. The great cloud of witnesses spoken of in Hebrews are not only those who are example of faith, but also of failure. They are men and women who are now viewed as faithful because they turned to God when they were finally able to admit they needed his holy healing.
Recovery and healing await us.
I admitted that I am powerless over my addiction and compulsive behaviors, that my life had become unmanageable.
Principle 1:
Realize that I am not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.
Supporting verses:
"Blessed are the poor in spirit." (Matthew 5:3)
"I know that nothing god lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18)
-----------------------------------------------
Step one. The very beginning. You know, the first time I looked at the Twelve Steps of AA I thought it was a bunch of hogwash. I thought there would be absolutely no relevance to a Christian man such as myself. I realize now, as I write those words, just how inundated with pride that comment is.
Why would I need recovery?
Why recovery? No, I don't have a chemical addiction, but I do have some massive hurts and hang-ups in my life.
We all do. This blog is a part of my recovery process. The first step in working through the process of tackling recovery principles is to admit that I have problems that I can't resolve on my own. I have behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes that prevent me from healing and truly growing in Christ.
I can hardly believe that I'm writing this for all the world to see, but for the sake of honesty and recovery I must admit that I have struggled for quite a long time with pornography. This is the sort of thing that would be easy for me to gloss over or not share. I could rationalize it by saying that most guys struggle with this... But doing these things would only be denial of the actual problem. In the presence of God, I cannot deny my faults. I cannot cover my sins... he sees and knows. I will also say that I have experienced great freedom from this addictive behavior as a result of Christ's power shown in my life. I will not attribute success to the Twelve Steps, but to the redemptive work of Jesus Christ and the power of His Holy Spirit. I will, however, admit that the Twelve Steps have been a great tool in continuing to combat addictive tendencies and to tackle the hurts and hang-ups that continue to be brought to the surface as I seek after the Father.
Beyond addictive sin, I have hurts in my life that have compounded over time and become greater pains than when I first experienced them. I will not go into depth concerning these matters here for the sake of being able to work through the matters with those also involved.
Unresolved conflict and pain can negate our personal spiritual growth. In the light of Christ all things are revealed as they truly are. (1 Jn. 1:5-7)
Denying a wound never aids its healing. Whether are wounds are cause by someone else or self-inflicted, God desires to heal us and make all things new. I... We need to stop denying them.
I may have more to say about this soon, but I think they're ready to kick me out of this coffee shop. Step one hurts. It is painful to look into the mirror and admit your problems. It's difficult to say, "I have an addiction." It's uncomfortable to say that I need help healing from the hurts of past relationships, church experiences, work situations, and foolish mistakes. But we do not give God the room to heal us when we expend all of our energy maintaining the stained glass masquerade of contemporary Christianity.
The fact of the matter is that we do nobody any favors by going to church and putting on our "game face." We speak our Christianese and perform our rituals and we say that everything is fine, but go home to wallow in pain, guilt, fear, anxiety, depression and the like.
Stop denying your pain and your problems. You hurt not only yourself, but the whole of the body of Christ! (Eph. 4:25)
It's time to admit that YOU ARE NOT GOD! Admit, as Paul did, that you know what is the right thing, but still do what is wrong. (Rom. 7:15) Admit that you need help for healing and that you are no longer able to manage your sins and pains. It's okay. You are not alone. The great cloud of witnesses spoken of in Hebrews are not only those who are example of faith, but also of failure. They are men and women who are now viewed as faithful because they turned to God when they were finally able to admit they needed his holy healing.
Recovery and healing await us.
posted by Gregg @ 7:20 PM
2 Comments:
At 15/6/06 7:52 AM,
Beth said…
You are very courageous to admit this publicly. I am becoming aware that addiction to pornography is far more common than anyone would like to admit among pastors, as well as of course the general population. You are already far more free than many who have kept it hidden and suffered in secret for decades.
Thank you for your courage.
At 17/6/06 9:57 PM,
Kim in Training said…
Oh, how I wish more of us had the courage to admit our flaws and to throw ourselves on the mercy of God. I think hiding our sins, our fears and our true feelings has done more harm to the church and to those outside the church than just about anything we have done. Bravo.
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