the most important step

So, I find myself once again at an Addictions Academy in Jefferson City, MO. The previous visit to the Academy was tremendous and I expect this one to match the intensity of its predecessor. At this Advanced Academy we will be exploring addiction as it pertains to avenues beyond chemical abuse. I'm interested in seeing what will be discussed in the realms of gambling, sexuality, eating disorders, and emotional disorders. There should be plenty of information to keep me digesting the data for weeks to come.

Later on this week I will have the opportunity to return to the land of milk and bratwurst. It's not exactly Canaan, but I love Wisconsin nonetheless. I'll be swinging through Wisconsin en route to a visit with my brother's family in Indy... then I'll return to the Dairyland for a little more family time before coming back to the StL. Lots of driving. Lots and lots of driving. For family, it's worth every minute of it.

While I'm online and have the time, let me share a little bit more about Recovery. The third step of recovery is to "Make a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of GOD as I understand him." Okay. For starters, I'm just going to say that you may be going nuts over the statement of "GOD as I understand him." You may be thinking that there's only one true GOD and that there's only one way to understand him. I have this to say... get off your high horse and take a moment to remember where you come from. I believe there is only one true God and genuine recovery is only found through Jesus Christ. But I will also make it clear that I recall in my life as a follower of Jesus that my understanding of who he is has changed tremendously over my 26 years on this earth. If you can't look back on your life and say the same thing, I would be simply shocked. I just want to get that point out of the way. Sometimes people start with a small understanding of God. The Jesus that I know and love says that he can work with faith as small as a mustard seed. I trust that he speaks the truth because he is the Truth. Therefore, I must say that I love watching God's Spirit take a small understanding of God and blow it wide open. His work is a sight to behold.

What does it mean to relinquish control of my will and life to God? I believe that this is a one-time decision that is affirmed daily. There isn't a day that goes by that I shouldn't relinquish control of my life and will to God. Jesus words this principle as follows, "... If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)
To hand over this control is to live one day at a time. It is to trust God to be who he is and do what he does. He tells us that he has our best interest in mind and that he will provide all that we need. The fact is, I find myself handing over control to God multiple times daily. Sometimes I work this step multiple times hourly. I'm an anxiety and stress junkie. I obsess over small things sometimes and lose sleep over even minor decisions in my life. To do so is to retrieve control of my life from the care of God. See what I mean? It's like trying to hand off the baton in a relay, but never releasing your grip. That's a losing strategy if ever I've heard of one.

What areas of your life do you try to maintain control over? Do you refuse to let go of your will despite knowing that God's will is perfect and abundantly more beneficial than your own? Have you ever actually made a decision to trust Jesus as your savior and permit him to free you from your past hurts, habits, or hang-ups? Maybe now is the time. If you have any questions about what this looks like, please write to me at the e-mail address posted with my profile. I would love to help you take the steps toward recovery and healing that God desires to provide you.

roots of addiction

I just want to put this out here in simple terms... addiction is only a symptom of deeper problems. Seriously. In order to experience recovery a person must understand that the addiction is the response of the mind and body to issues that affect the core of the man. The addiction spawns from unresolved relationships, generally stemming from a hurt or resentment, and a spiritual deficiency.
To treat the adiction alone is like trying to treat a headache when the body suffers from a growing brain tumor. The root of the problem must be addressed for genuine recovery to take place.

strhess

When I moved to the St. Louis area I was introduced to the work of an artist that my friend Dustin has been into for a while. The artwork at the right is the product of Derek Hess. He has done a lot of work for tour and concert posters as well as for rock album covers. I love the fact that he uses an intensely emotional-sketch style. His work is fairly simple, but is enveloped in rich and raw gestures. For some reason I've really connected with some of his art recently. This is really cool stuff. More of Derek's work can be seen at www.derekhess.com and you can also find some of his products at www.strhessclothing.com. As the days go by I'll be sharing more of my artistic influences and preferences. If you have any favorite artists I would love to hear about them. As I drank my coffee at Picasso's Coffee House the other day I read a bit of wosdom emblazoned on my cup. Pablo Picasso said, "Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." So... Be sure to take some time and wash away the dirt of everyday life with the art that's all around us. Poetry, graphic art, music, literature, a child's fingerpainting, the Creator's sunset... whatever it is, let it wash away with creativity.


 

artwork

My friend Andrew enjoys the display of artwork. In particular, he's made his body a bit of a gallery, per se. We were talking about the next tatoo that he was planning on getting when he first saw some of my own artwork. He requested that I come up with a design for his next piece. It's not exactly my typical style, but I like the way it turned out. The design kind of has a "Do this in rememberance of me" theme. This is clearly the most permanent display of one of my designs. It's one way to leave a mark on someone! 

black hole

July fourth was the last time I was on here? Whoa! Time speeds quickly away. This last week was crazy. Not that I was doing a lot of counseling, but I was doing more than my standard amount of teaching. I even had the opportunity to provide the sermon for our Sunday service yesterday morning. I'll see if I can find a way to post the sermon and the PowerPoint for any interested parties. We continue to wait for the internet to be brought to our church and the intern house that I stay at which means I continue to use the free wireless services at the local coffee shops. Not all bad for a coffee lover as I am, but somewhat inconvenient nonetheless.
I'll be posting more soon. Trust me.

imago dei

Step 2: I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that He has the power to help me recover.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."
-Philippians 2:13
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It is interesting to view the matter of sanity from both genuine aspects of its meaning. First, there is the matter of sanity being a restoration of mental faculties from a perspective in which one expected different results to result from a continually repeated action. Second, there is the perspective of sanity as being wholeness and completeness of being. In both aspects there is restoration of mind and/or spirit. There is a return to health.

As I examine my own life I find that I deal with insanity more than I had previously realized. In my life I have made a habit of repeating actions that instill within my mind and emotions a false perspective. Despite the unfavorable results, I continue to interact with my world in the same way with an expectation of differing results- which is the very definition of insanity. What sort of actions do I refer to?

Take for instance my habit of procrastination. Yes, procrastination, for me, is insanity. I develop a habit of waiting until the last minute to do something. Though I experience a great deal of anxiety in the process, I continue with this stress-riddled process hoping that the anxiety will be alleviated in the future and leave only the results that I desire. Of course, the stress remains and the results continue to be wildly varied. This is insanity.

Let's make this issue a bit more personal though. I have to look within myself and realize that there is great measure of insanity that I encounter as I examine my methods of developing relationships. My method of wooing a lady seems to be the "make myself appear to be thoroughly insignificant and worthless so that she can easily ignore me and determine that I can only make a compassionately empathetic friend" method. There is another method I use as well. This is the "over-the-top clown/foolishly imbecilic satirist" method. It should be needless to say that neither of these methods have worked too well for me. Historically I have sought after desired relationships by placing myself in the woman's path and then curling up into a shell of sweet insecurity and excessive humility. Though I understand that I need to counteract this behavior with confidence and self-assurance (without delving into arrogance or becoming a caricature of myself) I find that I continue to shrink away and give the appearance of indifference. I repeatedly behave in such a manner and wonder why the results are always the opposite of what I had hoped. Insanity.

In this area of my life I find that I am wrestling with both aspects of a need for sanity. I need to break the cycle and learn to take more affirmative and positive action, but to do so I must come to grips with my terribly poor self-image as well as my low self-esteem. I need to connect with God and realize that He desires to help me recover. He is the one who esteems me and has made as He has seen fit. Who am I to look into the mirror and make accusations of divine error in my creation? Who am I to turn inward or to turn toward others in the pursuit of wholeness and affirmation? Is it not God who is to be our completion? Is it not God who created me with the body, mind, and spirit that He has foreseen as perfectly suited to His divine will and purpose?

I am beginning this journey as I look at my relational habits. The start of that journey is a return to the start of the Bible. Genesis tells us all that we are made in the image and likeness of God. That's no fluff stuff. I am an image bearer of the Most High God. Just as artists leave an indelible mark upon their masterpieces, the Creator has instilled His likeness and being indelibly within His creation. With this in mind I have come to be on speaking terms with God about who I am. For so long I have held resentment against God for how He made me. Can you believe that? That is truly insanity! But I am developing my understanding that within me is the image of the invisible God.

It truly is easier to view others through the eyes of God than it is to view yourself in that way. It is easier for me to look in the mirror and say that God must have accidentally skipped this one. However, there is no truth is such a statement. All are created in God's image and all are dearly loved. We are fearfully and wonderfully woven together in the womb by the very hands of God. With each of us He comes near and breathes life into us. This point can not be emphasized enough.

Someday I may even learn this lesson myself. God's taking me there. I hope he takes you on this journey too.

crosswinds

Here are some pictures of the new Croswinds Church in St. Peters, MO. This is the first church building for this congregation. Crosswinds is a church plant that was started only a couple years ago and is now on the cusp of becoming a fully organized church. There is awesome stuff happening here. With all of the ministry taking place you would think that it was a church of over 500 people... or more! But this is a currently a small congregation of about 75-100 people who have a heart and passion for the work of God. The influence goes way beyond its size. I think that's the way it should be... don't you?

Anyway- you'll see shots of the exterior, the foyer, and the sanctuary. The final shot is of one of our communion tables. Crosswinds is a church with a truly warm and inviting asthetic inside of it. It kind of feels like hanging out at your favorite coffee shoppe... which is what I'm doing as I type this up. Coffee is so good. But I digress.
Sorry about the picture quality. This cheap-o digital cam I have does no aid to my desire for photographic excellence. Maybe someday I'll have money with which I can purchase a good digital camera. But I again digress.

Have a great 4th of July.




 

the arch

Okay. Fine. I'll post a picture of the Arch. I guess I would be irresponsible to live in the St Louis area and not post a picture of the Arch. Here are a few pictures I took on a trip there with my brother back in February. There is the traditional shot and then some views from the top. The picture quality isn't great... someday I may get a higher quality digital cam, but that takes money- I don't have money. You'll see a shot of the sign marking the pinnacle point in the Arch as it reaches 630 feet above the Missouri landscape as well as a shot of the mighty Mississippi looking into the dreary and dreaded state of Illinois. The final pic is a shot of new Busch Stadium where the Cardinals play. The shot of the stadium was taken during construction a number of months ago. Enjoy the Arch!

Bridgeway Counseling

Here is a shot of Bridgeway Counseling Services where I do spiritual counseling for residential clients of addictions treatment. The staff is awesome, though thoroughly overworked. And the work is fulfiling. It is great when I get the oppportunity to see something click in a guy's head when he realizes that there is a God and He has the desire to provide recovery from hurts and addictions. God is good.

another coffee quote

"I'll have a half double decaffeinated half-caf with a lemon twist."

-Steve Martin in L.A. Story

I've gotta' say that I especially enjoy this quote since I usually take my coffee hot and black. All the fancy workings of the baristas have lost some luster as I have fallen in love with plain and simple java.

... I think I'll have a cup now.