imago dei

Step 2: I came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

Principle 2: Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that He has the power to help me recover.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."
-Philippians 2:13
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It is interesting to view the matter of sanity from both genuine aspects of its meaning. First, there is the matter of sanity being a restoration of mental faculties from a perspective in which one expected different results to result from a continually repeated action. Second, there is the perspective of sanity as being wholeness and completeness of being. In both aspects there is restoration of mind and/or spirit. There is a return to health.

As I examine my own life I find that I deal with insanity more than I had previously realized. In my life I have made a habit of repeating actions that instill within my mind and emotions a false perspective. Despite the unfavorable results, I continue to interact with my world in the same way with an expectation of differing results- which is the very definition of insanity. What sort of actions do I refer to?

Take for instance my habit of procrastination. Yes, procrastination, for me, is insanity. I develop a habit of waiting until the last minute to do something. Though I experience a great deal of anxiety in the process, I continue with this stress-riddled process hoping that the anxiety will be alleviated in the future and leave only the results that I desire. Of course, the stress remains and the results continue to be wildly varied. This is insanity.

Let's make this issue a bit more personal though. I have to look within myself and realize that there is great measure of insanity that I encounter as I examine my methods of developing relationships. My method of wooing a lady seems to be the "make myself appear to be thoroughly insignificant and worthless so that she can easily ignore me and determine that I can only make a compassionately empathetic friend" method. There is another method I use as well. This is the "over-the-top clown/foolishly imbecilic satirist" method. It should be needless to say that neither of these methods have worked too well for me. Historically I have sought after desired relationships by placing myself in the woman's path and then curling up into a shell of sweet insecurity and excessive humility. Though I understand that I need to counteract this behavior with confidence and self-assurance (without delving into arrogance or becoming a caricature of myself) I find that I continue to shrink away and give the appearance of indifference. I repeatedly behave in such a manner and wonder why the results are always the opposite of what I had hoped. Insanity.

In this area of my life I find that I am wrestling with both aspects of a need for sanity. I need to break the cycle and learn to take more affirmative and positive action, but to do so I must come to grips with my terribly poor self-image as well as my low self-esteem. I need to connect with God and realize that He desires to help me recover. He is the one who esteems me and has made as He has seen fit. Who am I to look into the mirror and make accusations of divine error in my creation? Who am I to turn inward or to turn toward others in the pursuit of wholeness and affirmation? Is it not God who is to be our completion? Is it not God who created me with the body, mind, and spirit that He has foreseen as perfectly suited to His divine will and purpose?

I am beginning this journey as I look at my relational habits. The start of that journey is a return to the start of the Bible. Genesis tells us all that we are made in the image and likeness of God. That's no fluff stuff. I am an image bearer of the Most High God. Just as artists leave an indelible mark upon their masterpieces, the Creator has instilled His likeness and being indelibly within His creation. With this in mind I have come to be on speaking terms with God about who I am. For so long I have held resentment against God for how He made me. Can you believe that? That is truly insanity! But I am developing my understanding that within me is the image of the invisible God.

It truly is easier to view others through the eyes of God than it is to view yourself in that way. It is easier for me to look in the mirror and say that God must have accidentally skipped this one. However, there is no truth is such a statement. All are created in God's image and all are dearly loved. We are fearfully and wonderfully woven together in the womb by the very hands of God. With each of us He comes near and breathes life into us. This point can not be emphasized enough.

Someday I may even learn this lesson myself. God's taking me there. I hope he takes you on this journey too.