king of fools
What an odd day this has been. My emotions have taken me on such a roller coaster ride that I can barely stand it. I feel as if I am in the verge of tears as I write this now. God penetrated my heart again today as I looked through photos from my recent history and browsed through even more mental images in the midst of the great unpack.
I won't beat around the bush. I'm a selfish man. God has overwhelmed me with this fact as I realize how many dear friends I have lost touch with because of my vocational pursuit. Somehow I perverted my thought process to permit an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality to creep in. Now, this isn't exactly an accurate statement as I frequently think of these beloved friends, but I have far too long permitted the beast of "tomorrow" to hinder the continued development of these immensely important relationships. I have come to believe that some of the people that I was closest to when I was at the university have now given up on the possibility of maintaining a relationship with me. I'm terrible at returning phone calls. I can write e-mails, but let's be honest- e-mail is not the same as personal, audible dialogue. Let's also be honest about this- I'm not even too good at returning e-mails in a timely fashion.
How could I be so ignorant for so long? It's as if I have developed a ministry myopia. My short-sightedness has blinded me to the greatness of the relationships I could have (or could have had) if I were to be faithful in communication to those I dearly care for. What amazes me is that I failed to see that this relational neglect is the true fruit my spiritual journey with Christ. I became so focused on doing ministry, teaching the Bible, even teaching how to be incarnational and missional in this life- that I lost sight of the fact that I inadvertently cut of the lifelines of my loved ones. And this is the fruit of my faith. Jesus sees how we treat others, not what we do in his name. I know this... I teach it for crying out loud! But the fruit of my belief has been a neglect of God's dearly loved brothers and sisters of the faith. This can not be.
I know that it does little to write a silly blog post about such a topic, but I do so for a few reasons.
First of all, I take this action as a step of repentance. I confess my sin to God and to every person who may come across this rambling. I have failed to love. Love never fails, I have failed love.
Secondly, I implore you to consider your life here and now. I spoke of how I fell victim to the beast of "tomorrow." I have convinced myself that I would call this person tomorrow or write to that person tomorrow or visit yet another person tomorrow. We are not guaranteed even another minute on this earth. What makes us think that we can dare to push anything off until tomorrow. I know of a place that has posted a sign stating, "Tomorrow: Free Beer." The problem with tomorrow is that it never comes, no matter how hard we may will it.
Finally, I write this also in the the hope of turning a new page. There is great sorrow in my heart over the thought that I may not be able to regain the trust I once had with some of these friends. They've heard me say that I will write or call more often too many times before. I don't intend to make any promises. I don't seek to swear by anything. My hope is that God will grant me the integrity to make my "yes," "yes." Sorry doesn't cut it. Apologies are pointless. Action is where love meets life. So be it.
I won't beat around the bush. I'm a selfish man. God has overwhelmed me with this fact as I realize how many dear friends I have lost touch with because of my vocational pursuit. Somehow I perverted my thought process to permit an "out of sight, out of mind" mentality to creep in. Now, this isn't exactly an accurate statement as I frequently think of these beloved friends, but I have far too long permitted the beast of "tomorrow" to hinder the continued development of these immensely important relationships. I have come to believe that some of the people that I was closest to when I was at the university have now given up on the possibility of maintaining a relationship with me. I'm terrible at returning phone calls. I can write e-mails, but let's be honest- e-mail is not the same as personal, audible dialogue. Let's also be honest about this- I'm not even too good at returning e-mails in a timely fashion.
How could I be so ignorant for so long? It's as if I have developed a ministry myopia. My short-sightedness has blinded me to the greatness of the relationships I could have (or could have had) if I were to be faithful in communication to those I dearly care for. What amazes me is that I failed to see that this relational neglect is the true fruit my spiritual journey with Christ. I became so focused on doing ministry, teaching the Bible, even teaching how to be incarnational and missional in this life- that I lost sight of the fact that I inadvertently cut of the lifelines of my loved ones. And this is the fruit of my faith. Jesus sees how we treat others, not what we do in his name. I know this... I teach it for crying out loud! But the fruit of my belief has been a neglect of God's dearly loved brothers and sisters of the faith. This can not be.
I know that it does little to write a silly blog post about such a topic, but I do so for a few reasons.
First of all, I take this action as a step of repentance. I confess my sin to God and to every person who may come across this rambling. I have failed to love. Love never fails, I have failed love.
Secondly, I implore you to consider your life here and now. I spoke of how I fell victim to the beast of "tomorrow." I have convinced myself that I would call this person tomorrow or write to that person tomorrow or visit yet another person tomorrow. We are not guaranteed even another minute on this earth. What makes us think that we can dare to push anything off until tomorrow. I know of a place that has posted a sign stating, "Tomorrow: Free Beer." The problem with tomorrow is that it never comes, no matter how hard we may will it.
Finally, I write this also in the the hope of turning a new page. There is great sorrow in my heart over the thought that I may not be able to regain the trust I once had with some of these friends. They've heard me say that I will write or call more often too many times before. I don't intend to make any promises. I don't seek to swear by anything. My hope is that God will grant me the integrity to make my "yes," "yes." Sorry doesn't cut it. Apologies are pointless. Action is where love meets life. So be it.
posted by Gregg @ 10:37 PM
1 Comments:
At 19/10/06 11:58 AM,
Beth said…
Hey Gregg, sorry I haven't been posting comments on your blog lately. I think your posts haven't been automatically showing up in lists of most recent blog posts in MyCMA. I mentioned it to Master Jason just in case. Anyhow, just wanted you to know people still read your blogs, at least when we remember to specifically look for them :-)
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