the fury of God's love

True friendship has such depth that oceans can not compare.
Family is a treasured gift from the Hands of the Almighty.
Life is surely more abundant than imagined.
Love is more massive than all comprehension.

I just want to place emphasis on those thoughts. In sharing the grieving process with family and friends I have come to these deeply personal realizations.

"Why does it take something like this to realize how much we take life for granted? Why does this have to happen for us to truly appreciate someone?"

I don't even want to take count of how many times I've heard these comments over the last few days. I'm sure to hear them restated in a multitude of ways tonight at the visitation and tomorrow at the funeral as well.

I've been thinking about this feeling of intense appreciation for life during some personal times. God has led me down a path I was not expecting. I have come to think that life is appreciated to its fullest as we worship God and love others. No, I know that there's no grand revelation here. I simply think that we place the emphasis on the wrong thing as we mourn. We say that we would have done this or that with this person had we known that time was limited. I want to ask the question, "How well did I love the person?" Did this person know that I love her? Did this person know that God loves her? If these questions can be answered in the affirmative, I think we're on the right track.

Here's what God is saying to me...

"Gregg, I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Life in all its abundance is within me. As long as you are on this earth you will struggle with appreciating the fullness of life because you see through a foggy window. Gregg, I am Love. You can love someone to the greatest measure of which you are capable and still find that you could love her more when faced with the loss. So strive to be one with me. Walk the path of true love and life. In doing so you will share my love with those I love. They will know that we love them and life will be as I intend it. Do not neglect opportunities to express love and appreciation. For these are genuine acts of worship. Be love as I am Love."

Andrew Peterson wrote in a song about God shaking the earth at the crucifixion. He asked if it was from the fury of God's anger or the fury of God's love.

God's furious love.
There is something about the thought of God having such a love that can be measured in intensity with fury that stirs my innermost being. I want to love others with the fury of the love of God. Intense. White-hot. Agape beyond all other love.

Have you loved anyone furiously lately?

on the lighter side

Lately I have had great sorrow in my heart and more than I can list on my mind. But somewhere in this potpourri of thoughts and emotions I stopped to think about what I would like to do with a day. I'm going all out on this... I shall spare no expense in my own mind as I enjoy my perfect day.
(Please keep in mind that if this is my perfect day, I am going to envision at least parts of it with someone special to share it with. Sure, it's fiction, but all of this is right now. Just let me dream and get off my back about details about money, time, and my obvious lack of a wife... or girlfriend... or significant other...)

Here is what I came up with:

Let the sunlight wake me up. Take a hot shower and give myself a good shave. Put on the most comfortable clothes I can find. Cook breakfast... eggs over hard, please. Sit outside in the crisp morning air and read from the Bible. Close my eyes to let the sunbeams dance on my eyelids and the morning air fill my lungs as I meditate and pray. Go to a coffee shop for a venti. Find a good ma and pa bakery to buy some fresh bread. Eat some fresh fruit. Stroll around Target for a while picturing what those pictures, pillows, and pots might look like in the imaginary home in my head. Belt out some of my favorite songs of praise back at home. Read. Make a turkey sandwich on sourdough bread with bacon, lettuce and apple. Go to Barnes and Noble for another venti and a few hours sitting in an overstuffed chair reading a vast array of books I have absolutely no intention of buying. Buy some new music. Go for a walk through the woods and down by the river. Eat some trail mix and watch for wildlife. Buy some flowers. Take a nap. Write. Draw. Paint. Think. Bake a cheesecake. Make some dinner, maybe a new recipe that I want to try from watching Food Network. Eat cheesecake. Get dressed up. Go see a musical, play, or concert. Find a way to sit beside a small fire until it's almost a little too late. Get swallowed up in my bed.

That seems like a really great day to me. After reading through it again I realize that there is a lot of food mentioned. What can I say? I like food.

I really think I'm going to live it out someday. Maybe I'll even find someone real to share it with!

twilight zone

Worship was powerful Sunday morning. My worship of God had more fervor than it has in many moons. I heard the Word and sang songs of praise to my Savior and King. Tears flowed freely and frequently down my cheeks. Let me rephrase something- worship was emotional and God is powerful.

I'm back in my hometown of Beloit, WI to be with family and friends in preparation for a dear friend's funeral. The weekend has been like an episode of the Twilight Zone. My trip back to the Dairyland was a smooth and enjoyable ride on a sunny Saturday. Despite traveling through Illinois the trip wasn't too bad. I arrived home in the late afternoon with a sunburned left arm thanks to my current lack of air-conditioning in my car. As I rolled into the driveway I saw all three of my nieces running toward me screaming with delight, "Uncle Gregg is here!" Nothing really warms my heart and makes me feel more at home than experiencing the love of those girls.

The hugs were a bit more firm and a great deal more intentional as I made my round of greetings with my parents and siblings. It wasn't long before tears were shed in Cheryl Fry's memory. Only about a half and hour passed before my grandparents arrived with my Aunt Sue and my Uncle Al. Since we were all home we had the distinct opportunity to celebrate Ruth and LaVerne Doll's 62nd Wedding Anniversary. Wow. For all of the bickering and bantering they do they will be sure to let you know that they love each other too. My grandparents have been together 62 years. I want that in my life.

Sunday morning rolled around and I attended church with my mom. We went to Central Christian Church where my family has always gone to church. The sermon topic was forgiveness. Pastor Dave delivered the message with distinct passion... my heart willfully received the Word of God. After the sermon concluded we shared in communion as we shared in the forgiveness we have received. We also observed Memorial Day in the remembrance of the blessing of a God who robed himself in flesh to make the ultimate sacrifice for freedom. In additional observance of Memorial Day we continued to praise God through song. "It Is Well With My Soul." The loss of the woman doesn't feel well with my soul right now, but knowing that she is dancing... no, line dancing in heaven brings peace to my heart for this moment. "Indescribable." A great song to close the worship gathering with. God is abundantly and exceedingly more than all I could ever imagine. He is not only with us in the deep valley of sorrow, but he has walked the path ahead of us as well. Pastor Dave stopped and prayed with us. Worship was emotional. God is powerful.

The rest of my day was spent with family. Family is a sure medicine for my ailments. God's blessings are so evident when I look around me at the friends and family he has provided me.

Today (Monday) I spent the day with my mom and dad. It was a slow day... in a good way. We just took the day as it came to us. We did a little shopping- more like a little browsing and then had dinner. Being a Memorial Day that is ever so abundantly significant this year, the doors have been flung open to topics that we would not usually talk about. As we went to place flowers on my Grandma Sweger's grave we started talking about final arrangements. This seems so morbid as I write about it now, but it felt okay at the time. To be honest, I really hated having the conversation. I can't bear the thought of my parents... I just can't think of it. I'm a visual thinker and I can't go back there right now. Somehow it was okay to discuss at the time. I don't want to talk about it for a very long time.

Cheryl's visitation is Wednesday and the funeral is on Thursday. Those will be tough days. And I will worship God in the midst of pain just as I do as I revel in happiness. Worship is emotional. God is everything.

remember the Sabbath?

What are your favorite pastimes? What do you do when you simply need to enjoy? How do you relieve the tension of living? Do you ever get caught up in doing so much that you find yourself just crashing when you have the opportunity to rest?

God created rest for us to enjoy it. In routinely resting, in taking pauses in our fast track lives, God gives us the grace of helping us enjoy life more abundantly.

In the very act of creation God intentionally ceased upon the seventh day. In setting this precedent of rest, God gave to us a precious gift. Some would call it a creational ordinance. I call it the tender teaching of a father. God modeled for us the Sabbath. He would later instruct his people to remember the Sabbath and to maintain its holiness.

In high school I spent much of my time drawing. I sketched on every scrap of paper I could find. This is what I had done all the while as I grew up. Later, in college, I discovered a love of books at around the same time I discovered the love of God. Literature was a feast to be savored. Theology was a hunger that could not be satiated. All along the way I have immersed myself in the enjoyment of music. There is nothing sweeter to soothe my troubled mind than to hear the human voice... the voice alone... lifting praises to heaven.

Somehow I have gotten accustomed to filling my days and nights with so much to do that I have lost sight of the joys of this life. When I find myself with a few free moments I don't know what to do. It's easier to put a movie on than try to find something that resembles a hobby. I sometimes think I've forgotten myself in the flurry of tasks.

It can become so easy to get in the habit of doing Christianity and filling responsibilities that living and being fall by the wayside. Weeks and months pass by without the slightest hint of true rest. The Sabbath is forgotten. it is disregarded as an archaic and trite practice under the Law. We desire to observe the other 9 Commandments, but opt for the line item veto on the preservation of one day per week. God commands one day to be set aside in observation of holiness. But we scoff at it. Excuses flutter and fly around like disgusting mosquitoes on a muggy summer night. In my opinion we'd be better off if mosquitoes and excuses would cease to exist. God gave us this command. Before that He showed us this example. What is our response? We laugh and say that we're too busy to take one whole day off. Are we really more important on this earth than God is? Do we think that God didn't have work He could be doing on that very first Sabbath? He did this for us! He presented us the gift of a holy rest so that we would enjoy the bounty of His creation.

Aren't you tired of being tired? I'm weary of getting sick once a week because my body can't keep up with my day planner. I will keep the Sabbath. By the grace of God, I will seek to keep it holy in praise of He who created. May God be glorified as I delight in the joys of life.

Maybe I'll get back to drawing, painting, or photography. Perhaps I'll dive into a book for pleasure instead of research. I might take a walk and then cook dinner. What if I just sleep?

What do you think? Don't you think that maybe God's right on this one too? Do you think there might be the slightest possibility that the world will keep turning without you pounding every second out of that poor pitiful clock? Could it be so simple... that the way to enjoy life is to actually stop and smell the roses? I think it's worth thinking about. Maybe you should set aside a day and ponder it.

some memories

I'm just remembering Cheryl Fry right now.

She was one of many mothers.
I remember her smile.
I remember her coffee cake.
I remember her surprise Birthday/Super Bowl party.
I remember her being cautious and compassionate.
I remember her cats.

She bailed me out of financial trouble a time or two while I learned to balance the club's checkbook. It's great having friends who work at the bank.

I remember setting up my own checking account with her before going off to college.
I remember playing games with her when our families got together for New Years.
I remember the concerts at the Fair.
I remember how proud she was after losing the weight she hated and how she glowed with joy at Brad's wedding last year.
I remember the tears in her eyes when she thanked me for being a part of the wedding.
I remember her taking more photographs than I could ever imagine.
I remember how torn she was when her boys left for Arizona.
I remember how she loved traveling to see them.
She loves her boys so much. So much. They love her more than she may know.

I know... this is just a random list of memories. But I wish you could have known Cheryl Fry. I don't doubt that you would have loved her as much as we all do.
Cheryl will not be forgotten.

God, I praise you for being Lord of all. My thanks goes to you for being a part of Cheryl's life. I trust that she now makes residence with you and delights in your presence. Please care for her as only you can. I don't know why you took her now, but I know that this earth isn't quite the same without her. Father please turn your attention to her family at this time. Be with Larry, Brad and Brian as they grieve the loss of a mother and wife. Be with her parents as they face this shadowed valley. Be with all of her friends and family as we come together to remember her and share in our grief. We praise you on high O Lord of lords.
In the name of Christ Jesus, the only Name that saves. Amen.

can't the world stop for a moment?

Okay.
I don't know exactly where to start. The last few days have been an absolute whirlwind. I can hardly get my thoughts straight. My heart feels torn to pieces... more like shattered into shards. Yet, it feels more whole than it has been in so long. Sure, I'm not making any sense, but I think I'm permitted that once in a while.

The heart is so hard to protect. There are times when I think life would be easier if I held everyone at an arm's length and didn't let people inside of me. But as quickly as I say such a thing I find myself appalled at such a thought. I love people so much. I just love them. No doubt that this is borne of the love of God. I do love because He first loved me.

I feel so fragmented right now. Please understand that this is a bit of self-talk therapy for me right now.

I love my friends and it hurts so badly when they are facing trials like I can't imagine- and I'm not there for them. I can't be the shoulder. All I am is a voice through a phone from a few hundred miles away. All I am is a bunch of words floating into the Inbox once in a while. To all of my dear friends (you do know who you are) please know that I pray for you and think of you daily.

To a few of you- I have received your late night calls, Please know that I wish I could be right beside you as you walk through these deep valleys. Our Lord is with you and will be with you. I love you and my heart goes to you at this moment.

Yesterday I was sick all day. It started late in the night. I'll spare you the disgusting details, but I will tell you that I am thankful that the Lord sustained me and I was able to fulfill my obligations at the Addictions Academy. I struggle with being alone and desiring the love of a significant other. But I just don't think I quite ever feel as alone as I do when I'm sick and there's nobody to care for me. I guess that's part of being an adult, but I still think it sucks.

Last night we celebrated a call to recovery at the Academy. We all joined together in a worship gathering that moved me into an experience of God's Spirit like I haven't felt in a long time. The songs were uplifting and glorifying. The prayers were fervent. The message was biblical and relevant. It was awesome to see God move in such a way. I was so inspired as I looked around and saw people from such diverse backgrounds, ages, denominations, gender, etc... joining in the worship of our King. I really felt like I was catching a glimpse of the true kingdom of God. Amen!

I was feeling great this morning and ready to take on the world. Then I got a call. This call is simply devastating. A woman who is just so very dear to me and my family passed away during the night. She's not old. We don't know why. I guess His ways are not ours, but I want a reason why. Why God?
As I grew up my family was heavily involved in the local 4-H program. We had something that was unbelievably unique though. There is core group of families that got wonderfully close to each other. All of us kids were involved up to our eyes in projects and committees and activities and boards. All of the parents spent more time together than they probably spent with family. This core group has become my family. These ladies became mothers to me. These are more brothers and sisters. After all of us kids went our own ways, the parents worked to continue to meet! They all get together once a month for Friday fish fry. It's great.
Things just aren't going to be the same anymore without Cheryl Fry there. She had an amazing heart and a wonderful smile. I can't say that this has really set in yet... I still have a lot of thinking to do. I just don't understand.
Cheryl will be missed. Deeply.

My thoughts are a blur. I feel batted around. I feel like a rag doll tossed about in the canine's mouth. How can I go from such heights of praise to such depths of sorrow in such a brief span of time? Are we really made to be able to handle this?
Why can't I be home with those I love... those who need my love? Why can't I be home with those who love me and know me? Oh God. I can't do a thing without you. Take these thoughts. Make your sense of them and do what you will.

soul patrol

Congrats to Taylor Hicks! I like the old school soul music... What can I say? I like this guy and look forward to his album. Cool stuff.

whosoever

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16 (KJV)

Oh! How man times have I read this verse? How many times have I heard a sermon or teaching on this verse? Yet, today I have taken a different look at it.

Yesterday was the first day at the Addictions Academy for Committed Caring Faith Communities(CCFC) for the state of Missouri. So far the sessions have been informative and riveting. I am immensely excited about the remainder of this week.

The Academy started off with Rev. E.C. Sanders II from Nashville, TN sharing about spirituality as an essential component to successful and sustained recovery.
There was a great deal that God used this man to share with our group, but I will try to get straight to my point today.

Rev. Sanders zeroed in on the "WHOSOEVER" aspect of Christ's message. Whosoever is the sort of thing that churches talk a lot about. We sit in our Bible studies and we examine the Word to see how the church was in Acts. It's likely that we admire how great the Church was then, but then we posture ourselves in such a way as to say that the Holy Spirit desires to move differently now than He did back then. We see how there was genuine community in Acts, but pat each other on the backs for the fact that we were finally able to get half the church out to the Annual Picnic this year. We separate ourselves from the truth of the Word and mark everything up to cultural differences when we don't feel comfortable with the teachings. Really, when everything is boiled down... what Acts displayed was the Church, and what we display is... a club.

Oh I know, I know... But, my church does this. My church did that. Well, it's in our five year plan. Whatever. Tell God that His will is in your five-year plan and see what He thinks about that one. And beware of making remarks of cultural relevance concerning matters that seem uncomfortable or outdated... I would surely hate to see any of my brothers or sisters in Christ make the grave error of calling God a liar.

Look, I know that I am making some generalizations. I know that there are churches across this globe and even in the U.S.A. that are functioning as God desires His church to function. However, there is a great deficiency of the genuine movement of the Holy Spirit in our churches today. Our churches still aren't working in such a way as to give a glimpse into the holy will of our Lord by being the Church.

Okay, I'll get off of my soapbox and get back to the point... Whosoever. This is truly a difficult concept to come to grips with if we really think about it. I'll admit that this has been a difficult concept for me to come to grips with.

Why Gregg?

I'm glad you asked.

In honesty I think it is a whole lot easier to think of Christ ministering to all people without bias. It makes me feel good to think of Jesus reaching out with arms of love to the prostitute, tax collector, and other "sinners." I love that this is my savior. BUT... things get a bit scary when you tell me that I need to follow his example. You see, when John writes that God loves the world with such a love as to send his Son for whoever would believe in him, he means that we need to take the message of Christ to WHOSOEVER shall believe in it. Jesus came to heal the sick... so we are to take his message to those who are sick today.

All of this is well and good to talk about. Then, you start relay thinking about it. Wait a minute! God wants me to reach out to those people? Yup.

Think about it... Jesus wants to reach the prostitute, the homosexual, the transgendered, the homeless, the drug dealer, the alcoholic, and even the sex addict.

Rev. Sanders challenged us to think about WHOSOEVER. In doing so he encouraged us to consider our commitment to follow through on this very great commission. What will it take to share the Gospel with whosoever?

1. Wherever: Be willing to go where God wants to use you. He desires us to go to our Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and beyond. Sometimes the most frightening place is our back yard.

2. Whenever: Be ready to go at any time. This is a tough one. I hate giving up "my" time. What is my time worth? Could it be that God really wants to use my willingness to meet an addict for coffee in order to help prevent relapse? Sometimes the godliest miracles occur at the ungodliest of hours.

3. Whatever: Be willing. Just that- be willing. Be willing to do whatever... to accept whatever... to say whatever God wants you too.

If we can do these things, we may be able to actually carry the Word and Love of God to WHOSOEVER. I have thought about these things. I have reflected upon my own prejudices. The Spirit has probed my heart. There is house cleaning to do, but I am willing to do it.

Coming to grips with WHOSOEVER could really be the most significant process you undertake as you seek a breakthrough in your worship of God. Admittedly, I have never thought that it would really be difficult to take God's message of love, redemption, reconciliation, and grace to addicts. The issue comes when I think of who WHOSOEVER means. Could I really share God's Word to a serial killer? Could I really share His love with a rapist? Could I really give the words of forgiveness to a child molester?

I must. There is no question about this. If God gives the opportunity to share to WHOSOEVER I must take it. It's not about me or my biases or my comfort. I admit, it's not easy for me to write this right now, but I know that God is doing a work in me.

Who is the WHOSOEVER you would have the hardest time sharing the Gospel with?

This surely is a radical message Jesus has brought to this world.
This surely is a messy faith we share.
This surely is a great God we follow.

bonkers

Okay. I'm going a bit nuts. I can't watch American Idol. I guess I'll have to just wait for the results. Go Soul Patrol!

all things sacred

I believe as A.W. Tozer did that all aspects of lfe are sacred. We should not make a distinction in life betwen sacred and secular. Christ taught us that a house divided can not stand. Surely if I try to divide my life I will become a hypocrite and will feel the effects of a being divided.

I want to take this opportunity to share with you some of the current influences in life.

Music:

Watermark: A Grateful People
Mat Kearney: Nothing Left to Lose
the Elms: Chess Hotel
Sam Cooke: Portrait of a Legend
Bobby McFerrin: Bang!Zoom

Books:

The Princess Bride: William Goldman (S. Morgenstern)
Confessions of a Reformission Rev.: Mark Driscoll
Burning Desire- God's Jealous Love for His Bride: S.J. Hill
The Word on the Street: Rob Lacey

Movies:

Benchwarmers
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers
Pride & Prejudice (BBC mini-series)
The Greatest Game Ever Played
Mission Impossible: 3

TV:

CSI
American Idol
Whose Line Is It Anyway?
Smallville
Survivor
Hogan Knows Best

are we there yet?

I was just reading a post on this blog:

Miriam Walls- *may you live all the days of your life

I was struck by what she was saying. I really connected with her perspective on the matter of waiting on the will of God. She drew an analogy to those infamous family vacations spent in the family car asking the truly eternal question, "Are we there yet?"

So much time is indeed wasted asking and asking and asking....
More of our time would be better spent in doing, being, and living.

To make certain that you don't get me wrong on this matter, I whole-heartedly believe that we should be diligent in prayer- seeking the will and purpose of our Lord. But we must remember that the Lord is with us and His Spirit is our guide all of our days.

I look at the life of Christ and notice that he spent a great deal of time in solitude. Doing what? Praying. After Jesus spent the wee hours in prayer, he went out and taught people effectively. He went out and provided healing in accordance with God's plan. He went out and turned the world on its ear through a revolution of love.

Maybe my time might be better spent by trusting what God is telling me in prayer and living out a radical life in tune with the Father. Now what a crazy idea that is! Some might call it revolutionary... but just a subtle revolution

worship for hire

I recently noticed that in a local classifieds section that there is a church seeking out a worship band. Yes, you read that correctly... not a worship pastor, but a worship band. That may not seem very scandalous except for the fact that it was listed as follows:

"Are you in a band? (Such 'n Such) Church is in need of a band for our new contemporary worship service. Please call..."

Admittedly, there is the possibility that God may direct a truly Spirit-led worship leader to this church. I will not deny that God works in mysterious ways, but is there no prerequisite for leading people into a worship experience? Are we really this willing to just seek out a band that will come in and do a worship music set? When did this happen? I know that there are many churches that have wrestled with worship leadership, music, etc... I simply make my case that if we are to lead into songs of worship to our king that maybe the person leading should also have a history of leadership and, more importantly, of worship.

Let me be one of the first to line up in saying that I don't believe that worship is solely tied together with music. By no means is this what I am making a case for. What I am saying is that we must seek leaders in our church that are ordained by God. We must seek those who exemplify the traits of a Christian leader- those who bear good spiritual fruit. (And yes, there is a difference between good and bad spiritual fruit.)

Would we bring in an itinerate speaker to fill our pulpit without first checking to see that he is indeed qualified to teach/preach/lead in the true Name of Christ? Perhaps we would, but should we? I contend that we should not, for what should be obvious reasons. There are too many false teachers in the world as it is; we have to protect the flock from the wolves.

I have been in at least one church with hired worship band members. I can honestly say that the music was very enjoyable. The music was even I style I enjoyed. But the worship was shallow. Music quality does not equal genuine worship. Let me repeat this... music quality is not the equivalent to earnest worship.

Excellence in all that we do should be sought after. We are instructed to bring our firstfruits to the King- this includes our talents as well as our finances. But we must not exalt skills and talents above heartfelt worship and Spirit-led leadership.

To have a worship leader that is not in tune with God's Spirit is far worse than to have a worship leader who is not in tune with the rest of the band.

Addictions Academy

This next week I'll be in attendance at the State of Missouri Addictions Academy. This is a week-long conference for the training and development of Faith-based Access to Recovery (ATR) service providers. I am very excited about this opportunity to learn more about the recovery process and how to serve those who are engaged in this significant battle.
Please pray that I will be able to focus intently and retain as much information as possible.

"Not all who wander are lost." -J.R.R. Tolkien

I'll be the first to admit that I don't always really connect with a lot of Michael W. Smith songs. I respect him and believe he is a gifted musician. Some of his CDs are amidst my collection. I just don't always find myself listening to his music and being stirred deeply in my soul. However, recently I have had one of his songs chugging along in my head like a locomotive bound for destinations unknown.

The song "Place in this World" is a work that strikes the heart strings and resonates with my mind as well. It really always has held a tender place in my heart and is particularly relevant at this time.

The songs speaks of roaming through the night looking for my very own place- my niche in this world. The Scriptures speak of gifts given to each individual as God sees fit. They speak of each person coming together to build up the larger Body of Christ. The Scriptures tell of God's clear guidance of those who seek after Him. I believe fully in all of these points. I have experienced God's gifting, His community, and His direction. However, I have yet to find my place.

For a number of years I have perceived my life as being in a state of constant transience or flux. My life hasn't resembled the life I thought I would have. Apparently God has different plans. I believe that His plans are better than mine, so I'm okay with it. I just really grow impatient from time to time as God withholds His future plans. I find myself asking God when He will take me to my ministry. His response?

"You're there... and it's the not your ministry."

"Oh. Yeah."

Despite knowing that right where I am right now is exactly where God wants me to be right now I long to peek over the horizon. I desire to know how my gifts, talents, and personality work into the big picture that the Big Artist is working on. I just want to know my place in this world. God show me.


(Just an observational note regarding society- I think that a vast majority of people feel this sense of wonder-filled wandering amidst the hectic pace of the daily grind. I just wish more people took the time to slow down and seek God's guidance concerning the matter.)



[note: I stand corrected and changed the credit on the quote at the top of the post. Thanks Beth!]

conspiracy?

Along with the hoards of people all across this nation, I was shocked to find that Chris Daughtry was voted off of American Idol. My small mind can not fathom how this genuinely could have happened. What next? Will Mr. Hicks be going home next week? Did America really mess it up this badly? Is the status of American popular music in worse condition than what I had once feared?
Regardless of the fact that it should have been a Hicks v. Daughtry finale, I think that going home at this point in the game will work out better for Chris in the long-run. He doesn't need Am. Idol attached to his name forever and will likely do better if he can overcome that stigma.
So there you go... my two bits on that one. Take it or leave it!

on matters of the Church (pt. 2)

Attractional. Missional. Promotional. Mainline. Traditional. Emergent. Conservative. Charismatic. Willowback. Saddle Creek. Whatever.

Look, I'm all for working to define concepts and principles in ways that will aid in communication and the exchange of ideas between churches, pastors, leaders, laity, and so on... But we're spending so much time on these issues and defending our positions so adamantly that we're losing focus on the matters that count.

We gawk at the speck of sawdust in our brother's eye and neglect our own 2 X 4 blinder. Traditional churches are complaining about missional churches being too liberal (however they mean that). Missional churches attack attractional churches for how flashy they are. Everybody is bickering about mainline churches because they are so formal. It's all a bunch of smoke.

Hey everybody let's give a hand to Satan for again finding a way to separate the people of God and shift their focus to something other than the spreading of the Gospel! Come on! Can't we all just get along?

Aren't we busy throwing the baby out with the bath water? Can't traditional churches become more missional? Don't missional churches grow through attraction? Don't mainline and emergent churches share principles of symbolism and sensory stimulation in worship? Don't some conservative churches desire to experience the work of the Holy Spirit while some charismatic churches desire more effective teaching? What ever happened to the ability to exchange ideas in a way that doesn't lead to hair-splitting and dissension? Any great revival is supported by unity within the people of God. Christ's followers set aside differences and seek after the Holy One. I could swear that someone prayed for this to occur... Jesus, our Savior. Maybe he had an inside track on what it might take for his Word to advance throughout the world.

Let us return to the Scriptures and investigate what God says about His Body!

The followers of Christ are to be marked by their love. Love for whom? For God and for others. This is the teaching of Christ. Love God first then love others as yourself.

Love the Lord your God with all your mind, heart, soul, strength, possessions, abilities, etc... Love God above all else. Worship him all people. Worship him with your hymn book or your projection screen. Worship him with your band or your choir. Worship him with your poetry, prose, theology, and history. Worship him with your painting, pottery, culinary skill, or automotive repair. Worship him with technology or lack thereof. Worship him with silence and with shouts of joy and bellowing cries of sorrow. Worship him with your service to others. Worship him with your hands in your pockets or with your hands raised high. Do you see it? Worship is everywhere at every time. We should set aside specific times to worship God together through the sharing of songs and teaching,as described in Scripture, but we must live Life in worship to the King. Give to him the first fruits of all you are and have. A.W. Tozer said that we are too willing to divide our lives into the categories of scared and secular. When we are born of Christ, all is sacred. Love God and we will then be able to love others. (Did you notice that if the love of God is the guiding principle of the whole of Life, love of others sprouts out naturally... automatically? Interesting.)

Love all others as yourself. I was recently told that Mother Teresa used to refer to all people as Jesus, taking quite literally the Savior's teaching that whatever we do for another person we do for him as well. I don't think that this is an overly literal interpretation of the Word. What might this world be like if we (the followers of Jesus) were to treat each and every person- lovely or unlovely- as though they are the one who died for our sins? I assure you that this world would look entirely different. In the earliest accounts of what the Church looked like we see that the natural response to the hearing of the Gospel was to share with others as they were in need. In principle there would be no one in need as there would be a free exchange of goods and services between those who were seeking after the Kingdom of God. Does this mean that nobody ever got taken advantage of? Not likely. But there are risks connected to pursuing the righteous path. We can't forget that God sees all and will be the judge of all. We don't hope to receive the strike to our face, but our response must be that of turning the other cheek, whether physically or metaphorically.

Now some of you may be saying, "Okay that's all well and good in an ideal world" or, "That couldn't happen in my community." Have you ever noticed that the Lord teaches us to pray that His will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven? Part of our mission as the church is to press forward and be a source of active change and renewal in our communities. We are to try to make our communities in our culture as much like the ideal of heaven on earth as possible. I warn you to not call into doubt the power of God to change the non-ideal people and circumstances surrounding us. It starts with those of us who call ourselves followers of the Most High. If we are not willing to pursue His ideal (godly, righteous, pure, heavenly) plan, we can't expect to ever see change in the world around us.

Maybe some of you are saying, "Okay, but what about the details... the nuts and bolts of ministry." This is a truly understandable question. One that I too ask with great frequency. The nuts and bolts of ministry are going to be determined through the work of God's Holy Spirit. There are some things that the Scripture reveals as guiding principles, but there is no steadfast blueprint for the local church. I believe that this is with absolute intention on God's part because the church will look different in various communities, cultures, ages, and so on. Have you ever looked at a church and considered how much the body of people gathered seem to resemble the pastor? No, I'm not talking about appearance, but rather about values. One church has a pastor who is a high-powered, get-to-the-point, dynamic, motivational speaker type. Who will gravitate to his congregation? People like him... executives and people who respond to the relaying of the message in a way that resembles communication in corporate/business-class America. Another church has a pastor who is academic, mild-mannered, and sets teaching as a priority in his life. Who will gravitate to this congregation? People who have a more scholarly bent toward their pursuit of God. Perhaps people who desire to learn about God in a more minimalists setting. These, of course, are generalizations, but valid nonetheless. Is there anything wrong with one or the other? I'd say not necessarily.

Faithfulness isn't wholly contained within programs, models, and plans (oh my). Rather faithfulness is measured by reliance upon the Word and work of God. I could continue on about these matters for days, but I realize that this post is turning into a book. Please accept my apologies... both of you still reading this.

I have seen mainline/traditional churches that are alive and vibrant, adhering to tenets of their faith and exploring the worship spectrum. I have seen missional churches tank because of a lack of understanding of the Word of God. I have seen churches focused so intently upon the inward development of the saints that they became ineffective in sharing the Gospel. I have seen churches serve the needs of others with such voracity that they have neglected the focus of God and the teaching of the Word. The church is not a social club, nor is it simply a relief organization.

The pendulum just swings back and forth... There is nothing new under the sun. There was once an age when building bigger churches was the thing to do. We now refer to those churches as museums and artistically architectural wonders. They sit empty and cold. There was a time when the steadfast teachings of the church were called into question. The examination of the Scriptures birthed new understandings. Then there was warring between believers. The Catholics persecuted the Lutherans. The Lutherans persecuted the Anabaptists. Division and disunity dominated the Kingdom.
Let us not forget the lessons of the past.

Please, let's dialog. Listen to one another. Listen to hear, not to respond. Missional churches can learn from traditional and mainline churches. Conservative churches can learn from charismatic churches.

We have soiled the dress of Christ's Bride and we have prostituted her to the ebb and flow of cultural opportunism. Come, let us repent and return to the Lord.

on matters of the Church (pt.1)

For years there has been the ongoing discussion regarding effective ministry models for today's culture. And rightly so, we should keep this matter open for discussion as we continue to translate the unchanging message of Christ to a constantly changing contemporary world. We consistently bicker over ways to make the Gospel relevant to our current culture. I must speak on this.

The Gospel is always relevant.

The Gospel is what it is and will never need to be amended in order to connect with current trends. Authors are spending time inventing so-called hidden mysteries in the message of Jesus and shifting the focus from Christ's redemptive work toward his socio-political impact. This is nonsense. I do indeed advocate the continued study of the Word of God in order to deepen our understanding of the message as well as the spirit in which it is lived out daily through his followers. I believe that the reformation continues on as we peel and examine the layers of this faith. But we must not forget that there is nothing new under the sun. That which occurs today has had its roots in the past.

The Word of God is living. The Bible details not only what happened, but what happens, and will continue to happen. Our culture and time is not entirely unique. there are particulars that set it in distinction amidst the annuls of human history, but the core principles remain the same. I am man and God is God. I am fallen and can not restore relationship with God despite my finest efforts. God doesn't need to reach out to save me from my pit of sinfulness, but he chooses to through his deeply divine love. He extends his grace, mercy, love, and righteousness to me through the sending of his son Jesus who dies and is raised again for the forgiveness of my sins. I can choose to accept or reject the blessed reconciliation. These matters remain relevant no matter the society or culture.

The issue that must remain in discussion is how to relay this message to a world that has continued to reject it. The message is surely going to be expressed differently in St. Louis than it will be in San Francisco or Juneau or Beloit or Cancun or Calcutta. Yet, no matter where in the world the word is being spread, the matters that are paramount are as follows:

God loves us and desires to restore relationship with us.

When we respond to God's divine invitation the natural response should be worship.

Worship of God is our expression of love to him for so many more reasons than we could ever begin to count.

Our love of God takes first priority in life.

In loving God we then can genuinely love others.

Love of others is displayed through the sharing of assets and the aid of those within the fellowship of the body of Christ as well as beyond said Body.

The love of God and of others is also displayed through the development of disciples who are well instructed in the Word and equipped to carry the message to even more people.

You'll notice that I am emphatic upon a few points. My hope is that these issues would not be neglected. However, I am sad to say that I often see church bodies that focus singularly upon an aspect of the Gospel and neglect the remainder. This can not be so!

I have more thoughts on these matters, but need a short break. Warning! More to come...

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya...

There is simply no way that I could ever hide my deep affection for the movie "The Princess Bride." It truly has everything a movie enthusiast could desire: action, adventure, interesting characters, humor, sport, romance, R.O.U.S.s, miracles, and Andre the Giant. What could ever be better? I submit that there is not a more enjoyable film in the annuls of time. Disagree with me if you so desire, but I have yet to find its equal.

This being said, you now understand my bias as I say the following. You really ought to get a copy of William Goldman's (S. Morgenstern's) original book. I can honestly say that The Princess Bride is the only book that has ever urged me to laugh out loud while reading or thinking back on its text. It is a splendidly witty read that is crafted by a master wordsmith. Though it is now a number of years old, it is a must-read. Others read Tolkein books annually, I read my Goldman novel.


Most fans have a favorite line from this film. Here are a few of my favorites-

"I'm sure it's just a local fisherman out for a late-night pleasure cruise through eel infested waters."
-Vizzini

"You keep on saying that word... I do not think it means what you think it means."
-Inigo

"I do not envy the headache you will have when you wake up. But for now, rest well and dream of large women."
-Westley (Dread Pirate Roberts)

"Life is pain. Anyone who tells you differently is trying to sell you something."
-Westley (Dread Pirate Roberts)

"No more rhymes now, I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"
-Vizzini and Fezzik

in the words of an addict

I was Bridgeway this last week as usual, but on this particular trip I came across a copy of the St. Charles area “Clean and Free Times.” I began to explore the four pages of this newsletter and was moved by what I saw. The following are a couple of excerpts:

Notes from a Seeker

"I don’t understand myself at all. So often it seems as though there are at least two forces pulling at me- fighting for my very soul. My spirit lies caught, somewhere between faith and fear. The war rages on within me. Battles won and battles lost, and so it is with tears of joy and of sorrow flow from the same spirit, a spirit longing to be free from the bondage that has held it prisoner for so long.
As memories of my self-made prison start to fade, I find myself longing to be who I once was, yet haunted by who I had become. With no future in the past and a spirit still half asleep, I press on. I have learned that with faith comes courage and with fear comes doubt- both can live in the same heart. After al, there is always a gap between potential and performance. If God were sitting here next to me, wouldn’t I have courage? If I saw him performing miracles, wouldn’t I have faith? Wait! I have felt him next to me. I have felt Him so strongly hat it gave me what I call Holy Bumps, and haven’t I seen countless miracles since coming to (recovery treatment)? Yet, so often my faith falters. Again, I don’t understand myself at all.
Maybe if I had known human love more fully I would be able to understand and accept God’s love more readily. It seems I have two tendencies- one is to seek this God of mine and the other is to run from Him. I am told that “What I cam here looking for, brought me here.” Yet, in quiet desperation I continue looking for something to live for, and hoping to find something I believe in so strongly it’s worth dying for!
You see, I don’t understand myself at all."

-Anonymous D

I Hate You Heroin

"I hate you Heroin for all the things that you’ve done.
When I first met you, I thought you were the one.

But now that I know you, you are the devil.
I never thought you could bring me down to this level.

You’ve killed one of my best friends, and you almost killed me.
Know without you Heroin, my life feels so free.

And the pain that you’ve caused, you made my bones ache.
You’ve put me through detox, rehab, and you just watched me shake.

You’ve gotten me arrested, but that wasn’t enough.
That’s because your addiction is so f****** tough.

You’ve made me steal from the ones that I love.
And now it’s time for me to rise on up above.

God gave me the power to put you away.
He gave me the power to take it day by day.

So, please Heroin, stay away.
Even on those rainy days.

So, this is what I have to say.
F*** you Heroin, go away."

-Jason O. (an addict who died recently of this disease)


I don’t know exactly what to say. Really, I don’t desire to give commentary on these writings. Let the words of the authors speak for themselves. Please pray for those in recovery and those who have not yet found their way there.

gratitude

I just wanted to take an opportunity to say thank you to the men and women at both the district and national levels who have shown support to what is happening in St. Charles. Thank you for your prayers and thank you for the recent votes of confidence that you've expressed.

Thank you.

when i was in prison

My dear friends in this mighty and vast blogosphere,

Please take this opportunity to jump over to Andrew Peterson's site. Andrew is a musician that I delight in immensely. There is no other artist I would rather listen to when I desire to draw nearer to God. (Though I must admit that Shane & Shane and Rich Mullins weigh in very nearly in this matter as well.)
Whether or not you ever listen to a song of his ever, please read this one journal entry. It touched me deeply and I pray it will move you as well.
We must remember all who are in need. This is no exaggeration. Truly we must remember all who are in need. For we are all of one body and our heart (Jesus) and our Spirit drive us to people of love.

Andrew Peterson's Journal
(http:/www.andrew-peterson.com/journals)

Hank visits the megachurch

Check out this tongue in cheek look at church and worship. This is from an episode of "King of the Hill" on FOX Sunday nights. I found it both funny and thought-provoking.

women in ministry

Ever since this matter was discussed with cordial passion at district conference I have been prayerful studying and examining the topic. What are your thoughts?

(Please provide reasoning in support of your opinion... the use of Scripture would be favorable as well.)

faithquakes and faulty scales

God will shake us until there is only the unshakable. This seems to be the predominant theme in my life at this time. As my recent posts may reveal, I am up and down and then up once again. Again I say that none of this is "bad" per se, just trying. The troubling aspect of this matter is that it feels as if some of my principle understandings are being called into question. Some of the matters that I thought were generally accepted are being confronted... generally because they are generally accepted. Are you following me?

Take for instance church governance and structure... Does God desire us to have a virtual onion peel of committees and boards that make decisions and hand down proclamations that are all well and good, but never see fulfillment? Is it possible that we struggle seeing actual ministry occur because we are in the process of waiting for board approval that is a month away because a need arose at an inopportune time? Isn't it possible that we have taxed our willing and faithful workers by loading them up with the burden of sitting in so many meetings that they haven't the time to enact the principles taught in the Word? Please hear me when I say that I don't think we need to scrap our boards... However, perhaps we need to prayerfully consider their need, purpose, and effectiveness. Consider the possibility that God might lead us into ministry opportunities that then need organization as opposed to determining what God's will should be within the confines of our established structures.

Many of these questions confront perspectives I have long held. I must consider these possibilities as I exalt the word of God to its proper authority and place in life. As I look at the churches today I do not see the Church of the Bible. Throughout my life of faith thus far I have sought to see how God might use me to work within the current standards of church and governance in order to redirect it toward what is amply displayed throughout the whole of the Bible. I am coming to question whether or not it is possible to do that or if it may be necessary to step outside of the accepted church in order to develop God's Church. I know that this may sound scandalous... maybe not. Regardless, I think we MUST ask these questions. We must hold our churches in comparison to the Scriptures and ask honestly what makes ours different than theirs. I say this with absolute assurance that the issues dwell more in the realm of the Spirit and presence of God than in matters of culture.

My life is being shaken. I am looking directly into the mirror that God has held before me and realizing the great lengths I go to in order to "keep all of my ducks in a row" in hopes that I will be able to perform ministry to such a fine degree that nobody will consider the fact that I actually struggle in my faith. I taught on Denial tonight at Bridgeway. Throughout my conversation with the few men that attended I found myself bombarded with the realization that I need to grasp hold of the Word and step out of the state of denial I've been living in. Denial about what? About my anxieties and fears and insecurities that:

Disables my feelings
Energy lost
Negates my spiritual and personal growth
Isolates me from God
Alienates me from others
Lengthens my pain

(Thank you Celebrate Recovery for this fitting acrostic.)
As I turned another year older recently I found myself weighing my life upon this self-made scale of success. Losing hair... not measuring up. Not married yet... not measuring up. Haven't found an established position vocationally... not measuring up. Too little in my savings and too much debt... not measuring up. Forty (or more) pounds over my ideal weight... measuring up too much. This is really just the superficial tip of the iceberg. This is the ten percent seen readily while there dwells in the dark and murky depths a vast mass of concerns ready to tear apart the hull of any significant movement that attempts to build enough steam in order to challenge its authority in my life.
But I realize that these are matters that I must place in the hands of Jesus, who has sought me and freed me from all burdens... not just the obvious "sins."

I feel like I am losing focus as to what I am writing at this time so I will take that as an internal cue to draw this post to a closing. My life is being shaken. My faith is being tested. My anxieties are being confronted. My fears are being addressed. My comforts are being startled. My knowledge is being questioned. In response to this I will seek after God. If I were seeking first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, perhaps I wouldn't be where I am ... perhaps I would be. But I am seeking after God. And through this I will grow. I will face truth. I will learn to feel and to love. I will draw near to my Savior. I will develop community. I will deal with my pain and experience healing. I will not live in denial any longer. I will live in the way and in the truth, for this alone is life. Likely I will deal with these matters again, then again, and probably yet again. I will ask more questions. God will challenge me more. He will press me and mold me and break me. I haven't really come up with any "answers" to the cornucopia of questions that have bombarded my mind... I just know that I need to refocus my view and the rest should follow.

my skin

I can't say enough about how God is working in my life while I'm here in Missouri. It's hard to say for sure if it is the product of the internship I'm engaged in or if it's simply my pursuit of God, but either way God is cultivating the soil of my soul.

There are a lot of things that are developing as a part of my outward ministry, but the most significant changes in me are internal. I've written about how God is showing me how to love again and how to get my hands dirty in ministry while keeping Him first in life. What I've been realizing lately is that I am coming to grips with who I am in a positive light. This may not sound significant, but for my life this is massive.

I think back to the life I've lived over the last number of years and find so much displeasure in how I lived. Though many people didn't likely see it in me, I was battling depression to varying degrees throughout my life in the Fox Valley. My identity was wrapped up in my job, my knowledge, my church, or my relationships. When I'm severely honest with myself I believe that this has been going on for years... reaching back into college and my days in Green Bay.

My insecurities have gripped me for so long. There is always something about myself that I can pick apart and be self-conscious of. Status, finances, housing, depth of relationships, appearance, etc... the list is miles long as to things that I have turned to in order to taint my delight in anything that might be positive in my life. Born of these insecurities I became someone I wasn't. This other man resembled me and had many similar traits. It's just that I look back and see a life lived by an imposter- a caricature of who I really am. I would have conversations with friends- friends that I authentically know and love and trust- and I would dance and prance around like a vaudeville entertainer. Smile, crack a joke, then bow out with flair. So often I would find myself alone at the end of the day regretting actions and dialog, not out of an overt sinfulness, but out of shame in the farce I portrayed.

I must be clear in saying that I have long viewed my life as an open book. Regardless of the masquerade I have put on, I have always been honest with those who have loved me enough to ask me the tough questions of life. I was able to be sincere, I just regret keeping people at arms length. I'm so sorry to my friends whom I have loved so deeply. I have not known how to let you in to my life and heart appropriately. I didn't trust you to know what to do with me. Somehow I thought my faith and my life would just be easier if I gave the illusion of community, but walked the path alone in secret. Please forgive me.

This journey has been developing for so long now. I am becoming comfortable in my own skin and seeing Christ in me. He is very good to see. By no means have I moved beyond my insecurities nor am I relationally perfect, but I'm working at it with God's Spirit and the community of faithful followers. When I can lay myself out, for better or for worse, and be genuine... it seems as though I have taken another step toward home.